She is four years. She turned 4 on January. She is one of the most beautiful little girls that I know. She is my niece. Technically.
She is all grown up now. Literally. A bubbly girl. But there is something about her. Something so strong such that she gives me life. She tries to be me. She follows every move I make. When she is around she will get into my wardrobe and disarrange everything. She will wear everything she can. All dresses. All shoes. All tops. Then she will go to the mirror and ask me. ‘Do I look like you now. I want to be exactly like you.’ Then I will tell her. ‘No baby, you are beautiful and wonderful. Just the way you are. You don’t need to be someone else. You don’t need to be me’
But she will not listen. She will try tie her hair like mine. She will try imitate my voice. She will cry a lot if I leave. We dance a lot in the house. Holding hands. She tells me that’s how they dance in School.
She reminds me every day that I need to get a lipstick. It’s the only qualification I don’t have as her best Friend. She tells me every time. ‘ My best Friend should be having a lipstick.’
There is one thing that disturbs her a lot though. That her hand doesn’t look exactly like mine. She cries and tells me she wants hers to look like mine. ‘Don’t cry baby, your hand is perfectly normal, mine was as a result of an accident, you don’t want an accident. Do you?’ Sometimes she will nod and understand. And sometimes she say she wants an accident if that’s the price of looking exactly like me. If only she knew. If only she knew the price I’d had to pay for that one incident that changed my life.
But one thing I love is she is the only person who holds my hand as if there is nothing wrong with it. She will not hesitate or see it as something delicate. She will tell me. You hold me with the left I hold you with the right. She will hold it firmly and tell me ‘you see it’s perfectly Okay.’
So yesternight around 7:40 p.m she found me in the Library. I hide myself in the home library sometimes when I am going through stuff. I lock it from inside. But yesternight I somehow forgot to. I don’t know how. Then she came in. And found me. I tried to look another direction but she saw it.
‘Best Friend, why are you crying.? I knew this was a mistake that was not supposed to happen. She was not supposed to see my tears. Last time she saw me cry was in December and she reminds me of it every now and then and ask whether I got over it. She is a kid. She is supposed to forget. But she never does.
I stretched my hands for a hug. She came and hugged me. With tears. And started crying too. She always does when I am sad. She told me. ‘Is it because I am wearing your clothes? I said no. ‘Here. She said handing me my phone. ‘Take a selfie and see how sad you look. Your face is swollen ‘ Then she held my hand and led me to the bathroom. ‘Let’s wash your face, it will make you feel better You look better when smiling.’ How a four-year old can reason like that. I also don’t know.
Then mum called us for dinner. And once we sat on the dining table she looked at me and asked whether I was crying. I told her no. She said I stop lying. That she could see it in my face. Then she came. And hugged me and started crying again. And told mum ‘Yes she has been crying. And that’s why I am crying too.’
Then she looked at me and said. ‘Are you crying because you miss your boyfriend? We can just call him’ Now this is funny because everybody looked at me. I told her ‘No Skylar, missing someone wouldn’t make me cry.’
Her: But you have a boyfriend yes?
Me”. No’ .
To the other children. She has a boyfriend
Her to me: Yes you do he came to pick you yesterday
Me: No that is my friend.
Her: No He is your boyfriend. Why are you lying to me and I am your best Friend.?’
I didn’t know the right answer to give her. She is too young to even understand the difference between a man who is a boyfriend and a friend. So I kept quite
But every time I looked at her I know I have to make the right choices in life because if I don’t she is literally looking up to me and she will copy the same too. Hers is love, true love. Love that knows no difficulties and no challenge. She looks at me with the same eyes she does whether I am sad or happy or smiling or crying.
I realized I am setting setting the standards for her in everything because everything I do is what she normally wants to. I am setting standards for how she will learn to handle issues. How she will let people handle her. How she will view the world.
For instance Sometimes I will change my clothes so many times because she wants to the ones on my body.
You see basically everything is seen from my angle. If it’s right to me it’s right to her as well.
So I hugged her and told her. ‘Skylar, sometimes someone will cry it doesn’t mean someone has wronged them or they miss someone. Sometimes issues about life in general can overwhelm you and you don’t know who to talk to so you cry. Tears are a way of expressing pain without words. I am okay now stop crying. Thanks for being a real best friend. I love you. Always remember that I will always remain strong. For you..
Her: wiping her tears I love you too best friend. But please don’t cry again it makes me sad and cry too. Tomorrow we are going to church. I will pray for you. You always tells me Jesus loves me. He loves you too’