Today I was in church and the Pastor taught us about the importance of reconciliation. He said if we could only have the heart of Jesus and forgive anything that is done to us there would no goodbyes. Huh! I listened and internalized but I feel like writing about letting go because it’s an area I have noted many people struggle with and fear acting I not being an exemption. It’s human nature, we don’t want to struggle and letting go requires some God given strength. You will struggle both mentally and emotionally before accepting it’s time to let go.
Letting go is one of the most difficult things anyone can ever choose to. This is normally because you don’t just let go of anything or anyone, but something that you are really attached to. And letting go involves normally the things or people that we’ve had for long and valued most. You can let go your career, your long-term spouse, your job, your friend , your house, a bad habit like smoking or drinking , social media addiction, and anything that you’ve invested so much energy, money, efforts and your time in.
The reasons for letting go are normally varied from an individual to another. It may be toxic, not fulfillingTe or for your own security or even personal circumstances that you don’t want to reveal to the world, of course Unless you are a motivational speaker whose personal life is much entwined.
Before you let go however, you need to ask yourself whether you are ready to deal with the mental breakdown that may follow. You need to train your mind beforehand before the day you are executing the decision to let go- its normally after serious battles with your brain, and of course after postponing it for several times or after weighing the pros and the cons. In most cases, the advantages of what you are letting always seems to outweigh the disadvantages, no matter how damaging the said thing may be to your body or personal development. This is normally because your emotional attachment towards the same thing impairs and tampers with your thinking, to try to see more on the positive side.
Letting go requires personal discipline, commitment and accepting that letting go is not a synonym of forgetting. You are a human and sometimes you will remember and find yourself crying when you think of the same thing or person. You need not to force yourself to shut down and forget, you need to know it a healing process, and you will need time to detach yourself which is a painful process. You also need to know we are all human beings, with different composition, and that simply because your best friend took 6 months to get over her toxic husband/wife, you don’t have to take three months so as to appear you are stronger. No cool down, this is not a competition, and your personal healing and health is more important, even if it takes a year or so.
You also need to remember that after letting go, it will be followed by a moment of confusion. And that you will feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. You will severally think about it, especially when things are not looking up to you, and you will break down wondering whether things would have looked differently than they are today if you had chosen to hold on no matter the pain that would have cost you. Sometimes you will wonder whether you will ever meet a better version, because you are so used to it and the memories are hard to let go. Going back and reconciling or holding onto it if it’s for instance a career, may seem the best option, though it can turn very dangerous sometimes because, for instance two people may chose to go back together, not because they love each other or have forgiven each other but because they are scared of being lonely. And that they’ve been used to each other so much that they are only afraid to see each other with somebody else. In the same if it’s a job or a habit you are used so much you may hold on to to it even if it’s not fulfilling.
But here’s the good thing. If it’s not a person remind yourself the benefits of switching gears and that nothing good comes from the comfort zone. If it’s a person, Don’t breed in bitterness and more ill feelings towards each other by uncovering the wounds and pretending everything is okay when it’s not. When you hear wives being killed and husbands being poisoned by their wives, it’s normally not something that a significant other woke up overnight and did. It’s normally an accumulation of rejection, pain, lies here, coming home late, smelling somebody else’s perfume, strange things found in the vehicle, poor attention, affection etc. that builds to anger and eventually total resentment. If the affected partner doesn’t know when to say no, and let go, that’s when you here she/he is regretting killing the person in the moment of madness. By the time they realize what they have done, it’s normally too late, and regrettably gets charged with murder or harming the other person. If only they learnt where to draw the boundaries and let go.
Instead of spending your life regretting, learn when to draw the boundaries. Learn when enough is enough. Learn that you can only love others, if you learn to respect and love yourself enough to let go of toxicity in your life. Don’t give all your feelings away and be left feeling empty, don’t go emotionally bankrupt to the point of pushing away everybody who loves you at the expense of what is not necessary. Don’t be that girl or boy in social media who posts very bitter posts in memory of the person who mistreated them. Learn when somebody is toying around with your feelings, or taking advantage of your goodness, and draw the red line and place them where they deserve to belong.
Remember all that time you are speeding pouring your heart or trying to prove how you care another one is probably bending over calling them babe at a cheap price. Remember that they may be even too committed somewhere else to even read your bitter posts because they never think of you, yet every time you post you silently hope they read it.
Stop wasting time that you would be developing yourself as a person holding your phone, hoping someone would call. If they don’t call they don’t think of you, it’s that simple. Stop thinking that maybe they are too conservative or busy, people never get busy or afraid to reach out to something that they really want. No one jokes with their priorities so Don’t make excuses for unacceptable behaviours because once you do be ready to live with it for the rest of your life.
Love yourself. Learn to let go. But most importantly after you let go of a person or something you love work on letting go of the bitterness and the ill feelings the ending elicited in you. Letting go of things and people is pointless if you don’t forgive and let go of your bitterness as well. Take baby steps to love life all over again. It doesn’t matter how much you invested in them, Learn that holding bitter feelings will only destroy your life and rob you your happiness. And your happiness and mental health comes first so anything that threatens it is not worth it. So decide today, let go of whatever is weighing you down, allow yourself to grieve, Let out your pain, talk to a friend, seek counselling if need be, strive to live meaningfully. Life is precious so appreciate every second you are on earth. Do the right thing even when it’s the hardest thing to do. You will thank yourself later. Because things and people that are meant for you are with you now and if not they will always find a way to be. And as Muniba Mozari says, be kind to yourself, and only then you can be kind to others